Being pulled from the rails this season, it seems, is one very important and underrated piece in anyone’s life wardrobe: sincerity, and in it’s place, unashamedly hangs strategy, being snapped up not just by Dubliners, but by once independent men and women around the world.
I sometimes wonder what life was like before relationships played a role. I thought about how people go from being together in love, to being separate in life. And then it came—the realisation—I may well be suffering from a case of co-dependency.
The condition it seems, is rapidly spreading through Dublin, and yet when inspected closer, an underlying issue can often be revealed.
We all have needs, and it’s perfectly acceptable for us to go about fulfilling these, but I was alarmed to find that like in our career path, there are people who go about fulfilling their needs by methods of applying a formula to their significant other.
In relationships, and in life, there’s the type of person who listens, and then there’s the person who listens and at the same time thinks about how what they’re hearing affects themselves.
Selfish…or strategic? Perhaps it is both. In a business situation, this trait is one that will help you get ahead of your game, considering the impact of an occurrence on ourselves, and how we can use it to advantage us.
In a relationship, the art of being self-centred is far less desirable to potential significant others. The question we must ask ourselves is: “are we really listening at all?”
It isn’t all bad news though, the followers of this trend do give something back – they enquire about your feelings. But is this enquiry sincere, I wondered, and will your reply be used positively? Surely giving feedback in a relationship is no different to giving feedback to your bank? If you know it's not going to be taken onboard, surely you're wasting your precious time.
People, who feel the need to be overly vocal of their feelings, feel less convinced of the message they’re trying to sell to you than someone who doesn’t go to great lengths. This is a belief I can understand. Surely, where feelings are concerned, it's more a case time for “A little less conversation…”
I found myself with my analytical friend Roisin, discussing insincerity over coffees before 12 in the afternoon. This I thought surely makes me a crazy person. Apparently though, I am not the only one who has these type thoughts. Should you rely on your gut feeling when it comes to the sincerity of someone, I questioned. On past experiences alone, I regret to say, sometimes, it is safer to judge a book by its cover, contrary to popular belief.
If, like the “I’m listening but it’s about me” formula, this need advertising is used for self-building purposes, enabling you to be used purely—if lovingly—as a building block for significant other’s goal life, then surely it is not you that is being treasured, but instead what you represent to significant other.
All of this over-selling of feelings and need talk could only lead to bad things, I thought, ultimately leaving you too co-dependant, thinking that as well as air, water and a little bit of food, you need love—or at least a purpose-built relationship—to live.
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