One Child Warrants Many Remarks

What is the first thing that comes to mind when I say "only child"? Spoiled? Loner? Selfish parents? Smart parents? These are a few of the remarks I have heard in the past when innocently uttering the words "I'm an only child".

The most common of course is the spoiled remark. Everyone thinks it, and is totally willing to say it without any apprehension - to the face of you, the only child, or more hilariously, to the parents of said child. Would these people turn to a large struggling family and suggest "I bet you're scraping by with all those kids of yours?" I dare to guess, they would not.

If you're the eldest child of the family, there is little to be said, the youngest prompts the nowadays expected "ah, the baby!" and rarely further discussion. Maybe then, the only child shares more with the middle child, as unlikely as that might seem.

The middle child is the opposite of the only child in some ways, though it remains somewhat less spoken of. The odd "ooh the middle child (insert poor him/her sympathetic comment or expression)" occurs, and perhaps due to it being a negative subject, there is more to be said.

So what then, about only children being sad loners? Recently, my suspicion that the only child is in fact a happy loner, has been supported. The connotation with loner is negative, naturally, but why is this the case? Recently, I heard of another only child, aged in his 40s, who had remarkably similar views on the matter of time to oneself.

Patrick, a businessman, is way beyond being a loner. He's married, for one, and has children. When his children strayed the family home and wife packed her suitcase and took off on a "girls weekend", there were no questions being asked. Patrick was happy to put his golf clubs in the car and take off - alone. No invitations to friends or associates. The house didn't feel empty either, he promised. I believed him.

This confirmed my theory (well, as much as any case study can confirm a theory), that the only child is often more suitably equipped, and therefore able to be alone, and more importantly, to be happy about it.

The third and fourth remarks, the "what selfish parents they/you are" (these people are brazen!), and "they/you were the clever ones", are purely a matter of opinion, though in the view of many only children and their parents out there, not an opinion that needs to be discussed.

Why should how many children you choose to deliver be any different to one's decision to become vegetarian, or to purchase ridiculously expensive Prada shoes which remain in their box for all eternity. People: you know who you are - it's not your stomach, it's not your money, and it most certainly isn't your family!